I am a mother to two kids now. Even though I live this everyday, it is disbelieving for me to write it. Just 3 years back, I wasn't even a mother. I was simply a girl who was trying to optimise her role as wife and daughter-in law. A girl who was confused enough in the social strata of the Indian family to become a mother. I was thin(well, not too much so), I was confident, I used to sleep for 9 hours each day, I used to think of fun things to do with the husband. Then came the babies. And I changed.
Now I am fat, always confused and forgetful, sleep for less than 6 hours a day and spend less than 15 mins of exclusive time with the husband. Fun things mean going to KFC or the mall's play pen. The occasional Sunday trip to Hamley's or an amusement park is the added bonus to the month. I now look for child friendly restaurants and don't carry a handbag anymore. With one infant in the front sling and the toddler holding my hand, there is little place on my body to carry a handbag. The diaper bag is what is the family's holdall now.
I have dark circles which my daughter makes fun of. She says my kajal is dipping too low. With a family history of dark circles and eye bags, 5-6 hours of sleep in a day isn't doing any good. I wake up 2-3 times in the night to feed the infant. Sometimes it becomes 4 times and I become nastier. I scream at the poor infant sometimes. In frustration of less sleep, I wake up cranky and sulk while getting the toddler ready for school. I bathe in a hurry and pay little attention to how I look because someone is always crying, hungry or plain needy. It doesn't matter how I look. What is more important that the TV channel needs to be changed to the Kids TV. The husband gets angry at me when I scold the kids or crib about the little time I get to myself. I wonder if he notices that I don't look the same or appear as happy.
I spend average days full of baby poo, wet nappies, some nose snot and more drippy mouths and dirty hands full of mud or play dough. I feed them, bathe them, dress them, clean them, nurse them, play with them, cry with them and laugh with them. At the end of each day I ache for some alone time with the husband or some 'me' time. But then again, when they sleep I wait for them to wake up and fill my room with laughter. Its all this and more idiocy in my life currently.
I am fasting for my two kids today on Ahoi Asthami and I feel no hunger at all. Even lesser than I felt on Karva Chauth when I fasted for my husband. My life is a roller coaster and I accept that I am so very imperfect. I am just a human who is trying hard to be a mother, a wife, a daughter in law first and then a daughter, sister or friend. I am 33 years old but that does that mean I am grown up. I am simply your everyday girl who is trying to play multiple roles. I am an Imperfect Mommy at best and a below average wife and daughter in law. But then again, in trying to be a good mother and wife, I am hardly a good daughter or a friend. I forget to wish my friends on their birthday, all because I am trying to make my family's life better. I don't speak with my mother more than 10 minutes in a day, all because the kids are always seeking my attention.
I am a human being. I make mistakes. I am an Imperfect Mommy.
Leave the judgement aside. Love me for what I am.
Now I am fat, always confused and forgetful, sleep for less than 6 hours a day and spend less than 15 mins of exclusive time with the husband. Fun things mean going to KFC or the mall's play pen. The occasional Sunday trip to Hamley's or an amusement park is the added bonus to the month. I now look for child friendly restaurants and don't carry a handbag anymore. With one infant in the front sling and the toddler holding my hand, there is little place on my body to carry a handbag. The diaper bag is what is the family's holdall now.
I have dark circles which my daughter makes fun of. She says my kajal is dipping too low. With a family history of dark circles and eye bags, 5-6 hours of sleep in a day isn't doing any good. I wake up 2-3 times in the night to feed the infant. Sometimes it becomes 4 times and I become nastier. I scream at the poor infant sometimes. In frustration of less sleep, I wake up cranky and sulk while getting the toddler ready for school. I bathe in a hurry and pay little attention to how I look because someone is always crying, hungry or plain needy. It doesn't matter how I look. What is more important that the TV channel needs to be changed to the Kids TV. The husband gets angry at me when I scold the kids or crib about the little time I get to myself. I wonder if he notices that I don't look the same or appear as happy.
I spend average days full of baby poo, wet nappies, some nose snot and more drippy mouths and dirty hands full of mud or play dough. I feed them, bathe them, dress them, clean them, nurse them, play with them, cry with them and laugh with them. At the end of each day I ache for some alone time with the husband or some 'me' time. But then again, when they sleep I wait for them to wake up and fill my room with laughter. Its all this and more idiocy in my life currently.
I am fasting for my two kids today on Ahoi Asthami and I feel no hunger at all. Even lesser than I felt on Karva Chauth when I fasted for my husband. My life is a roller coaster and I accept that I am so very imperfect. I am just a human who is trying hard to be a mother, a wife, a daughter in law first and then a daughter, sister or friend. I am 33 years old but that does that mean I am grown up. I am simply your everyday girl who is trying to play multiple roles. I am an Imperfect Mommy at best and a below average wife and daughter in law. But then again, in trying to be a good mother and wife, I am hardly a good daughter or a friend. I forget to wish my friends on their birthday, all because I am trying to make my family's life better. I don't speak with my mother more than 10 minutes in a day, all because the kids are always seeking my attention.
I am a human being. I make mistakes. I am an Imperfect Mommy.
Leave the judgement aside. Love me for what I am.
1 comment:
lovely written
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