To play or not to play?

Six years back, I discovered that the Mister and I share the common passion for playing cards-teen patti and the like. Soon that favorite card game changed to Texas Hold'em but the passion only grew stronger. To the extent that when Navya was expected, everyone joked that she would learn the game A-la-Abhimanyu, in mummy's tummy style. Several Diwali poker sessions and two kids later, I am left with few chances to play the card game I love so much.

As Diwali comes nearer and the poker gangs pings to play more often, I am often in a dilemna. A 3 year old and 5 month old in tow, I dream of playing poker. The husband always promises before we leave for a poker session that I can play and he will attend to the kids. Sometimes he complies, sometimes he isn't able to resist the temptation. Then I am left with some hard decisions. Being the mom, it becomes my responsibility to take care of my full time work (mommyhood) and then attend to my part time work (poker).

I am forced to succumb to the pressure that comes from being a mom. Keeping the best interest of the kids in mind, I sulk, I crib and attend to them. When the poker session winds up and the victorious husband is back home, I continue to sulk. I taunt him on the playing pleasure he has just achieved. He guiltily hands me his poker winnings but I want poker nirvana, merely money won by him isn't enough.

I keep telling myself that I am a mom first and my wishes and interests should be secondary to my kids needs. But then again, does anyone understand that poker isn't my wish or my interest. Poker is ME. Poker governs me. POKER is what keeps me going. POKER is therapy for me. It is the spa or the shopping mall that my female friends need to charge their senses. POKER isn't a card game or a hobby. It is as much a part of me as much eating or sleeping is. But I don't expect anyone to understand that.

So I am always torn between the two cutie pies in my life and Poker. The elder one calls me for attention while the younger one cries for a hug and the poor poker cards are the ones that are sacrificed in the process.