The 14 point agenda for 2014

Its been almost 12 months that I made a huge list of resolutions. None have been followed and here I am staring at yet another year and ready to make some more resolutions. So this time I am keeping it simple. Making it easy for me to resolve and follow them through the year.

So here is my 14 point agenda for 2014:

1. Not scold my 8 month old when she wakes up at night. ----Relax----

2. Not fight with the husband because of not following No.1. ----Relax---

3. Remember to count my blessings at every step.----Relax. Breathe. Thank God---

4. Stop to smell the flowers and do No.3. ---Relax. Breathe----

5. Visit the spa/parlour atleast once a month.  ----Beautify----

6. Appreciate the husband more. ----Ishq wala Love----

7. Get medical checkups on a timely basis for the family. ---Apple a day----

8. Smile/Laugh atleast 25 times a day. ---Say Cheese----

9. Sleep by 11: 30 atleast 5 days in a week. ---ZZZZzzzzz---

10. Run the Delhi Half Marathon Finally. ---Bhaag Rupal Bhaag

11. Save money for the kids. ---Invest for education. 

12. Play atleast 2 live poker tournaments. ---Shuffle up and Deal.

13. Learn atleast one dance form. ----One-Two-cha-cha-cha

14. Write 300 words a day, on my poker site, on the blog or my personal journal. Anywhere but continue to write. ----De-stress---

And yes, did I mention losing 14 kgs of weight. Of course, no new year to-do's are ever complete without the losing weight bit.

Have a happy 2014 everyone. 

Stay happy, remember to count your blessings and love your people.

Cutting the umbilical cord

When OPN, the online poker news website I look after was invited to cover its first live poker tournament, the only thought worrying me was 'What about the kids?' I couldn't take them but I couldn't leave them. It would mean additional expense, additional responsibility on the trip and lesser time to focus on the reporting job at hand. The middle path was chosen. It was decided to leave the 3 year old DD with Mom and take the 6 month DD (who has to be with me for obvious reasons).

Now taking a decision is easier than implementing it. As the departure date came nearer, all sorts of worries also drew closer. Will she drink milk without me? How will she sleep without Mohit to put her off? Will she watch too much TV? What if she wakes up in the middle of the night to find us missing and starts crying? Will one of us have to rush back home cutting the trip short? My stress levels were so high that I made sure I left all the things she loves in ample quantity at home. A bag full of sausages, a new game, lots of gems, some lollipops and a play date with her best friend. Planned a lot, worried even more. I made sure both the days she was left behind would be busy for her so she slept peacefully without troubling her grand mom.

Umpteen anonymous calls later, I was told she was absolutely fine and completely enjoying herself. I settled into my trip as the busy schedule left me with little time to worry. Between managing the six month old to live reporting till the wee hours, I was forced to go with the flow. I missed her and ached to talk to her. But feared she might miss me if I spoke on the phone to her. Even when I slept I dreamt that she had got hurt or was unwell.

At the end of the 60 hours that we spent apart, I was so proud of my little baby. I felt she had grown up hurriedly and had been so co-operative. This trip was very important for my website and I wanted to make it happen for myself. But I didn't want to do anything at the expense of my daughter's happiness. But finally, we had managed to do it all. Do two days of awesome coverage, have a good poker exposure and also ensure Navya's happiness; thanks to her grand mom's love and support.

Even as we walked back from our trip to the house, Navya hugged Myra first, her Dad next and Me at the last. This only meant that my baby was hardly a little baby now. She was grown up. She had stayed without her mom for 3 days and not complained at all. She had done the inevitable. She had done something i shuddered to even think let alone implement. She had in fact implemented it so well that I felt unwanted. I felt I was so unimportant that my daughter didn't even miss me. Aren't we mommies mad?

Navya had finally cut the umbilical cord. I ached for this for so long but was too afraid to experiment. Little did I know that life has its own pace and things come to on their own. My little baby: I am so proud of you! i now know that this is an omen that my baby is ready to face the world and go out to big school and that brighter things are in store for me professionally.

Imperfect Mommy

I am a mother to two kids now. Even though I live this everyday, it is disbelieving for me to write it. Just 3 years back, I wasn't even a mother. I was simply a girl who was trying to optimise her role as wife and daughter-in law. A girl who was confused enough in the social strata of the Indian family to become a mother. I was thin(well, not too much so), I was confident, I used to sleep for 9 hours each day, I used to think of fun things to do with the husband. Then came the babies. And I changed.

Now I am fat, always confused and forgetful, sleep for less than 6 hours a day and spend less than 15 mins of exclusive time with the husband. Fun things mean going to KFC or the mall's play pen. The occasional Sunday trip to Hamley's or an amusement park is the added bonus to the month. I now look for child friendly restaurants and don't carry a handbag anymore. With one infant in the front sling and the toddler holding my hand, there is little place on my body to carry a handbag. The diaper bag is what is the family's holdall now.

I have dark circles which my daughter makes fun of. She says my kajal is dipping too low. With a family history of dark circles and eye bags, 5-6 hours of sleep in a day isn't doing any good. I wake up 2-3 times in the night to feed the infant. Sometimes it becomes 4 times and I become nastier. I scream at the poor infant sometimes. In frustration of less sleep, I wake up cranky and sulk while getting the toddler ready for school. I bathe in a hurry and pay little attention to how I look because someone is always crying, hungry or plain needy. It doesn't matter how I look. What is more important that the TV channel needs to be changed to the Kids TV. The husband gets angry at me when I scold the kids or crib about the little time I get to myself. I wonder if he notices that I don't look the same or appear as happy.

I spend average days full of baby poo, wet nappies, some nose snot and more drippy mouths and dirty hands full of mud or play dough. I feed them, bathe them, dress them, clean them, nurse them, play with them, cry with them and laugh with them. At the end of each day I ache for some alone time with the husband or some 'me' time. But then again, when they sleep I wait for them to wake up and fill my room with laughter. Its all this and more idiocy in my life currently.

I am fasting for my two kids today on Ahoi Asthami and I feel no hunger at all. Even lesser than I felt on Karva Chauth when I fasted for my husband.  My life is a roller coaster and I accept that I am so very imperfect. I am just a human who is trying hard to be a mother, a wife, a daughter in law first and then a daughter, sister or friend. I am 33 years old but that does that mean I am grown up. I am simply your everyday girl who is trying to play multiple roles. I am an Imperfect Mommy at best and a below average wife and daughter in law. But then again, in trying to be a good mother and wife, I am hardly a good daughter or a friend. I forget to wish my friends on their birthday, all because I am trying to make my family's life better. I don't speak with my mother more than 10 minutes in a day, all because the kids are always seeking my attention.

I am a human being. I make mistakes. I am an Imperfect Mommy.
Leave the judgement aside. Love me for what I am. 

To play or not to play?

Six years back, I discovered that the Mister and I share the common passion for playing cards-teen patti and the like. Soon that favorite card game changed to Texas Hold'em but the passion only grew stronger. To the extent that when Navya was expected, everyone joked that she would learn the game A-la-Abhimanyu, in mummy's tummy style. Several Diwali poker sessions and two kids later, I am left with few chances to play the card game I love so much.

As Diwali comes nearer and the poker gangs pings to play more often, I am often in a dilemna. A 3 year old and 5 month old in tow, I dream of playing poker. The husband always promises before we leave for a poker session that I can play and he will attend to the kids. Sometimes he complies, sometimes he isn't able to resist the temptation. Then I am left with some hard decisions. Being the mom, it becomes my responsibility to take care of my full time work (mommyhood) and then attend to my part time work (poker).

I am forced to succumb to the pressure that comes from being a mom. Keeping the best interest of the kids in mind, I sulk, I crib and attend to them. When the poker session winds up and the victorious husband is back home, I continue to sulk. I taunt him on the playing pleasure he has just achieved. He guiltily hands me his poker winnings but I want poker nirvana, merely money won by him isn't enough.

I keep telling myself that I am a mom first and my wishes and interests should be secondary to my kids needs. But then again, does anyone understand that poker isn't my wish or my interest. Poker is ME. Poker governs me. POKER is what keeps me going. POKER is therapy for me. It is the spa or the shopping mall that my female friends need to charge their senses. POKER isn't a card game or a hobby. It is as much a part of me as much eating or sleeping is. But I don't expect anyone to understand that.

So I am always torn between the two cutie pies in my life and Poker. The elder one calls me for attention while the younger one cries for a hug and the poor poker cards are the ones that are sacrificed in the process.

The Great Gurgaon Admission Tamasha Part 1

Two years back when I was in Delhi, a few of my friends went through the Delhi Nursery Admission trauma for almost six months. Running from south to west Delhi, from one school to another , collecting and submitting forms and getting nervous breakdowns in the process. I heard people's stories where they applied in 20 schools, paid thousands in registration fees and their kids got through no school leading to doctor visits for many parents.

When I moved to Gurgaon, I thought I would never face such a situation. Gurgaon, according to me had a lot of very good schools and had more organised parents who wouldn't add to this confusion. But I have been proved wrong as I search for a good school for my daughter who starts Nursery next year.

Decisions galore and a plethora of confusion. Spoilt for options, that's what Gurgaon is. Before August 2014, I didn't know the following:

1. There are around 20 schools in Gurgaon all of which can be ranked No 2 after TSRS on some criterion or the other.
2. There is a board called IB.
3. There are around 5 IB Schools in Gurgaon.
4. Admissions for next session start the previous year in August. I was almost woken up from sleep on a holiday by a friend to tell me that some have even reached last dates.
5. Schools use the lottery system to choose students. Now you know how important a kundli and luck is.
6. Some schools use First Come first serve Basis for admissions and witness similar night time queues as the Apple stores before the launch of a new iPhone.
7. Any businessman can have a school in his name.
8. Everyone wants their kids to go to TSRS. But will not admit it.
9. Everyone in your child's pre-school would've visited atleast 10 schools, met 5 principals and filled all forms.
10. The younger the school, the more sought after it is. This I discovered when I tried to submit the forms of a school which has a building till Class V and opened doors only in 2012. They refused to take my form one day late. And continue to stick to their stance saying they have too many applicants.
11. All Schools will take out their results and close admissions on the day TSRS forms come out.
12. All parents are paranoid.
13. There is an immensely popular and active Facebook group by the name of Gurgaon Admissions where parents share admissions information.
14. Admissions to pre-nursery in big schools also difficult. I thought only getting into nursery was tough. Little did I know that the action starts before they turn two.
15. Being born in October is a curse. So plan your baby according to the 30th Sept deadline.

It is a mad, mad world. After 10 days of collecting forms, filling them, getting passport size pictures clicked, making photocopies of umpteen documents and forcing the husband to take an off to visit schools; My score of form submission is only 1. And if my facts are correct, from the 10 Gurgaon schools I initially planned to apply in 3 have already closed their doors for me.

I am naming this post 1 since I know I will write many in this series. I love to mock my craziness and also chronicle the enthusiasm of those hundreds of parents who are running from pillar to post.

Never too big for Friendship Day

I remember gifting my best friend a friendship band. Even buying itsy bitsy friendship quotation books. Also going to parties on the Friendship Day Sunday. Sometimes even giving 'n' number of gifts as the date on which the august holiday fell. And Always waiting up till midnight and ushering in the event with a call to my best friend. All this till I was 18. Perhaps 20.

Then Friendship Day became a morning phone call and an evening coffee with all my besties. Slowly the phone call became an SMS and the customary coffee with a select few friends. Ultimately it was just a meeting with the best friend only.

Then everyone got married and had husbands and Valentines Day and babies and Mother's Day. So life got lost and so did Friendship Day. It became an all too kiddish affair. From the SMS and the coffee, it had now come down to an SMS at the end of the day. Sometimes an SMS/Call the next day to only the one BFF with sarcasm on how she had missed it yesterday.

That's what life becomes. We forget these small, special occasions and mark them as smart marketing activities by Archies, Hallmark and the like. But inside us somewhere, we want still to relive those teenage moments where friends were 'oh-so-very-important' and being the first to wish your best friend a happy friendship day was absolutely necessary.

Now my best friend is busy so are my other friends. So am I. We are all too caught up in our families and jobs and societies that we want to give importance to these occasions but try to act big by pretending they don't matter to us. Why did they matter 10 years back? Because we had all the time in the world. In fact, our friends were the world. Before husband and kids took precedence. Friends still are loved but last on the priority list of showing the emotion.

I am no better in calling or even saying 'hello' to my friends on the friendship day Sunday. Sometimes even making the excuse of the family Sunday bit for not calling. But I value them more often now than I did before. I miss their useless advise, their non-sensible chatter, their childish abuses, their crazy excitement and their lovable mentoring.

And today I am thinking of you all. It is midnight and I wish I could pick up the phone to call up atleast a few of you girls and say what a part of me you are. And that I am thinking of you.

To Sumedha: For you are and will always be my best friend.
To Vandana, Suparna, Shweta, Vasudha, Ruchi, Priyanka: You made school the most memorable days of my life:
To Gunjan, Simran, Rakshit, Anshoo, Ankita: You guys made college days fun and Delhi feel like home.
To Shikha, Neha, Anika and Ritika: You girls make me miss Ludhiana like never before.
To Shruti, Nidhi, Bhavna, Sugandh, Pooja, Megha: You filled the spaces when married life was elusive.
And above all to my sister Niti: I never knew you as a friend till I got married. And that is when I realised how good a friend an elder sister can be.

Call me, my friends. I am waiting for that Friendship day call.

P.S. hubby, you are my best male friend...Don't ever forget that....

That big word that starts with R

The last few months have just gone past in a hurry. It seems the words from the song 'Rush, Rush' were coined for new mommies only. Because rushed up is what life has become ever since second bub arrived. From the minute I wake up to the time my head hits the pillow at night, everything is committed in a rush.

Now I don't need an alarm. Myra is my alarm, she wakes me up in the morning and I jump to her cot to pick her up so the husband and Navya don't wake up. And that's when the morning rush starts. From early morning feeds to diaper change to milk for the elder bub to getting her dressed for school to handling the husband's breakfast, life rushes from one task to another. Morning turns to afternoon and afternoons to evenings. And before I know it, the day has rushed into the night.

As it strikes 10 at night and both the kids are in bed and I am assured that none will wake up in the next two hours is when I feel my day has just come alive. I feel I want to live everything in these two hours before I go to sleep and the morning charade starts. I want to watch TV, finish my work assignments, spend time with the husband, talk on the phone and do everything else that the day evaded me during this time. Do everything before Responsibility strikes again.

Once after a very busy Sunday, made more miserable by a cranky baby on a saturday night; Mohit wished to rest and take a nap. It was decided that only one of us could sleep since the other had to be with the babies. It was decided he go off since 'he is just a man' while I am super mom.

Responsibility and loads of it more has also come with the two girls. After people raise eye brows at the mention of my second child being a girl too, I sometimes get 'responsibility pangs'. These make me look for everything from life insurance for the parents, mediclaim for the family, bank accounts for the kids, FD's and other investments in their names etc...etc...etc...these pangs sometimes even extend into tears imagining their weddings and them going off to someone else's house. Such is the load that life feels with us becoming two time parents now.

RESPONSIBILITY in all caps is what is the norm of the day. Responsibility to make sure the kids are fed, dressed, happy, playing and healthy. Responsibility that sometimes leads to anxiety that two such tiny souls are so dependent on me. Responsibility that means I cannot fall sick, even catch a cold. Responsibility that means my ears and eyes are trained enough to hear that small sniff or see that red mosquito bite.

Responsibility that I bring up these two young ladies into smart and intelligent world citizens. And that is something I cannot do in a rush. So that is when sometimes I tell myself 'slow down, woman'. Whoever said 'a happy mom makes for a happy kid' wasn't kidding at all. And on days when I am happy my kids definitely are a happy lot too. So I have made myself responsible for my own happiness today. There is no one in the world that can make me happy but myself and I have resolved to be 'responsibly happy. After all, if Super mom is happy then the whole household is happy too!!!!

Sharing the key to your heart!

In latest news, happy to announce the arrival of the bub, a baby girl, Myra into our household. She now completes the circle of females in the husbands life. From his mom to his wife to his sisters to his two daughters; he now only has females as his closest relatives. What a lucky man!

Myra now also elevates to the spot of Mohit's favorite girls pushing me further back in the line. I call it a line now since there are 2 girls who are way ahead of me in the race to touch his heart. Ever since Navya walked into our lives, I was the second woman while she royally ruled Papa's life. Now there is a second young lady who has him around her little finger while I coyly sit back and occupy the place of the third lady.

I now share the key to his heart with 2 little girls who are miles ahead of me in the way they can manipulate him. Even though I get to hear the 'I Love you' everyday but I know where it is being expressed more. While I had a problem playing second fiddle when Navya handled Mohit, now I have decided to take the back seat. I have reconciled to the fact that the husband is now a full time father. Now I am happy being the third lady behind Navya and Myra and content as he manages to hold my hand despite having both of them in his lap at the same time. It is good to share, I always preach to Navya. And today I have shared my most prized possession with my two fairies....On second thoughts, the girls are nice to me letting me still share their space with their Papa. 

Kudos to you, Husband! You are doing a good job juggling your girls!

And my 2 year old grows up

Each time I bump into relatives I am always asked if Navya, my 2 year and 8 month old daughter is happy to welcome her soon to arrive sibling. I just shrug and say 'I hope so.' Over the past six months I have tried to do everything to make her feel comfortable and happy about the fact that she will soon be an elder sister and there will be a tiny brother/sister in her life.

But on most occasions, she isn't happy to be told that she will have to share her mom/papa/grandma and even her Didi(domestic help). She insists that to avoid such a confrontation she is willing to be the little baby's mom so there isn't sharing of close ones.

She even wants the little one to sleep in her room. For the sole reason that she will get to sleep with mummy and papa; in their room. She has allowed me to put the baby cot in her room so that is highly accommodating. But on the condition that a Navya's corner is created in mummy-papa's room where she can sleep. Fair Enough!

Mohit and I have tried talking to her. Telling her in many subtle ways that a baby will soon come in our lives and we all will have to look after the baby. We have shown her books, dolls of infants and read stories explaining the things a little baby will need. She doesn't care less. She simply rolls into my lap saying I am her mama. She tells Mohit when he bathes her that he cannot bathe the new baby and this bathing routine will be her sole property.

But tonight before sleeping, we were in an embrace and talking when I told her you will always be my sweety baby. She answered back immediately, " And right now I am your little baby. But only till the chota baby comes. Haina, Mumma?" I simple hugged her tighter and told her she will always be my most special one. My little one has finally reconciled to the arrival of a little one in our lives. She has grown up. And that is the final signal that we are finally armed and ready to welcome the new born.

I want to...

I want to slow my pace down and relax but there is always so much to do,
I want to tell the kid to give me space but she says she needs me too.
I want to sleep till late and linger in bed but the husband is asking for his clothes,
I want the kid to finish her food without me running around to impose.
I want to eat everything my heart desires but the acidity finds me at bay,
I want to party hard and sleep late but what wakes me is the first morning ray.
I want to be pampered and be held but the husbands knee pains,
I want to get my feet pressed and hate these varicose veins.
I want to stop going to work but the office doesn't relent,
I want to be pampered like crazy and not feel so spent.
I want to have that glass of mojito but the doctor says no no,
I want to travel the world but currently there is nowhere i can go.
I want to be with mom and get pampered but the husband doesn't agree,
I want to sleep through the night without having to pee.
I want to go to a spa but the house work always finds me there,
I want to take a long shower but the kid wants to knock and scare.
I want to take a day off but the husband likes to work on a sunday,
I want a long car drive but he is on a driving holiday.
I want to do nought but something is always there to be done,
I want to sleep, eat, drink and make merry but life is always on the run.
I want the kid to come out now and end the suspense,
I want the world to run my way but no one cares for my two cents.

Complete! Incomplete?

One moment you know your life's just filled with joy!
The other it comes crashing down!
One moment you see the joyous face of a father!
The other it is the morose look of one that might have been!
One moment you feel the love brewing!
The other you kill it inside you!
One moment you know your eyes welting with happy emotions!
The other they just keep crying unhappy tears!
One moment you have a happy satisfied realization!
The other it all becomes an unsettled compromise!
One moment you are dreaming a content dream!
The other you want the nightmare to end!
One moment you know the world is yours!
The other it seems to be conspiring against you!
One moment your heart is overwhelmed with glee!
The other it experiences a vacuum!
One moment you want the whole world to know!
The other you wish it just weren't around!
One moment you feel you are now complete!
The other your incompleteness dawns on you!

The pregnancy diary

Most people divide their pregnancies in months. Doctors divide them in weeks. Others divide them in trimesters. I have divided my current pregnancy based on occurrences. In each phase of this pregnancy I have faced grave emotional situations and difficult physical conditions.

What Doctors call the first trimester was the confusion stage where I didn't know if this was meant to be. Well, that is certainly normal for every pregnant woman. But my confusion had serious causes. I was in the process of making a house and was due to shift houses. If i went forth with the pregnancy, my kid brothers wedding would coincide with my fifth month of pregnancy.

Well, I went ahead with it as is very obvious. And soon Mohit decided to aggravate his knee injury by tripping down the stairs. A doctor told us he needed a surgery. More confusion! And this confusion hadn't even found a solution when I got an emotional jolt. My daughter had her first ever(and hopefully last one) fracture. She broke her elbow bone and was in a cast for 21 days. It must've been a huge physical strain for my two year old but it was an even bigger emotional trip for me. I still remember the morning I stood in the Emergency ward of Paras Hospital getting her strapped. She screamed as two male nurses put the cast on, my head spinned. Light headed, I wanted to cry and scream too.

The fifth month as already mentioned was Prateek's wedding. It went on in clothes fittings and the main festivities. Of course, I couldn't dance as the others did. And the loud blaring music didn't go down too well with the baby who chose to start kicking too soon. Early mornings and late nights, great food and lovely family; all was excellent but my energies were still low.

The sixth month was just beginning when we had to move to our new house which was partially complete. We packed, we moved and made it into a home. The seventh was spent in monitoring too many masons, electricians, plumbers who were there to renovate my house and haunt my days. After umpteen rounds of all 3 floors of the house through the day, the house was still partially finished. I was relieved the workers were atleast out of the house and finally thought I would get some deserving rest.

The husband then decided to drop the bombshell. The surgery that was pending on his knee was now going to happen. So we got him operated and the eighth month began. The anniversary came and went. The talks for a baby shower for me and the baby had been rejected by the husband pre-surgery. Post-surgery he softened up and told me to have one.

So the eight month is now on and so is the baby shower. The latter was supposed to be my way getting my pregnancy pampering. I still remember writing about my first pregnancy being like a courtship period. If my second one is any benchmark, then no one wants such a courtship. While the baby shower is supposed to happen next week, I am still clueless.

Clueless as to when the husband will heal and walk. Clueless if I am nursing him well. Clueless on why Navya is insecure about the attention her dad is getting. Clueless as to when is a good time to cancel the baby shower. Clueless about who will drive me to the hospital if the baby decides to come in early. Clueless as to the things I haven't done: No Lamaze, no bhajans for the baby, no daddy talking, no disciplined eating. Clueless as to what will happen when the second baby arrives.

CLUELESS!!!!

I, Me and my various selves

Recently I read about digital identity in a magazine and it made me re-think on the various identities that I hold. I realised that I have multiple identities/selves currently each of which function at their own will but sometimes intertwine to form a joint decision.

While till a few years back, I was only myself and my digital self, ever since I have become a wife and mother, I am divided into three selves now. There is my physical self, there is my inner self and there is my digital self. All three are equally powerful and important currently. While the physical self determines my everyday presence and being, the inner self is all about emotions. The digital self as we all know is my online presence in the cyberspace. The former has been gaining significance off late and is running parallel with the others.

To understand my three selves better, I broke down a few situations of my life and analysed which self reacted how. Read on and tell me what you think:

Situation 1: When I got married:
My physical self was the one present at the wedding.
My inner self was confused and going around in circles.
My digital self was extinct and continued to be absent for a few weeks.

Situation 2: When I am on a holiday:
My physical self is tired but excited.
My inner self is relaxed and satiated.
My digital self is itching to tell everyone of what I am up to.

Situation 3: When I was pregnant the first time:
My physical self had gone for a toss.
My inner self was cluttered with thoughts.
My digital self was again itching to tell the world.

Situation 4: When I was delivering:
My physical self was in so much pain that it could murder the other selves.
My inner self was thoughtless and being kicked by the physical self.
My digital self didn't know it existed.

Situation 5: When I was pregnant a second time:
My physical self was troubled and bothered for the forthcoming action.
My inner self was hassled and disrupted but happy.
My digital self was busy updating Facebook and the blog.

Situation 6: When I am at work:
My physical self is working at the work place.
My inner self is wondering if Navya has had breakfast or if she is back from school or if Mohit took his lunch or if .....
My digital self is trying to sneak in a glance at those new pics posted on FB.

Situation 7: When Mohit underwent his surgery:
My physical self was concerned, jittery and upset.
My inner self was split between Navya and Mohit. It was wondering whom I was more concerned for at the moment, Navya, Mohit or the upcoming baby.
My digital self was quite actively putting up a brave face on Whatsapp.

Situation 8:Current scenario
My physical self doesn't know it exists.
My inner self doesn't know it exists.
My digital self is still trying to put up a brave face.

A happy???? Anniversary....

Sitting here in my room by myself I can only think of a sad song from an Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini movie, Baghban. The two of them, if my memory serves me right are spending their anniversary apart and Big B sings a song over the telephone for his wife expressing the situation. I had laughed at the song when I first heard it, right now I am living each word of that song.

Never in the six years of being married to Mohit, I would've imagined or wanted to spend our anniversary apart. Neither for a business trip nor for a family function. But perhaps we had to succumb when it came to a hospital visit. His knee surgery is what got us limping now and separated. I feel bad, not only for being at different places on our special day but also for leaving him alone in the hospital. But I am helpless and pregnant and the mother of a 2 year old.

March first week is supposed to be a celebratory one for our family, but this one hasn't felt so. While its Mohit's knee that faces the doc's scalpel but it is me whose mind is under stress. It surely has been an unusual day. I spent the first half at work while Mohit was at home. I had my gynae visit post that and finally to the hospital to admit Mohit pre-op in the afternoon. Leaving him at 9 PM and coming back home felt weird too. He was cheerful and wished me a happy anniversary again before I left, I didn't return the favour though. He wouldn't certainly be having a Happy Anniversary all by himself in a hospital bed so why wish! The day has passed by in a robotic motion and I assume this week will too. But I will have to wait another 365 days to celebrate my anniversary now....:( So melodramatic but so true!!

My flower blooms on!

26th Feb was important for us! Not because Mohit was to visit his knee Doctor today to get a final verdict on when his surgery should happen. It was special because Navya was going to perform for the first time on the stage. Her school had a sports day and she was one of the participants  Well, actually all the kids were participating in whatever small way.

We had an early start to the day and she looked her boyish best in the sports kit that the school had made compulsory for that day. We were to be seated by 10:30 am and hoped that Navya's act came before Mohit had to leave for his doctors appointment. We were told Navya was a part of a special March past by the toddlers of the school. But Mohit wasn't going to be lucky enough and like all programs in India, the Sports Day also started late.

In the scorching heat, the function began with two tiny tots running with an artificial flame. It was cuteness personified but my eyes were set on the forthcoming march past. Soon it was the toddler class that marched in with all sorts of banners and placards announcing the benefits of good health and happy living. And there my little star came, cheeks flushed because of the heat but walking smoothly on the chalked line as instructed by the teachers. Following the line to the end, she didn't deter even looking at the sidelines littered with balloons. The turns were taken at exact 90 degrees not to miss the chalked line. It was plain simple 'left right' happening for my baby but to me it was a glorious dance. It was pure sweetness and I have no words to express what i felt. For everyone else, it was a group of kids walking through the lawn but for me it was a proud moment when the little darling I adore did an activity independently.

Soon i was on a messaging spree to Mohit telling him in as many as 12 messages about what Navya had done. Sinfully, I was missing what was happening during the function since I was completely mesmerized since Navya had walked off. When i finally looked up, the tiny tots were doing some dances that symbolised nature, plants, animals etc. Various classes were coming one by one, extremely cute and adorable, the little ones looked. Somewhere far off I spotted a line of kids headed by Navya's mentor. I wondered what was her class doing next to the stage again. Before I could do any calculations, that line of kids came walking on the stage and the second one was Navya. She was wearing a costume of a flower and occupied centre stage. Soon some music started playing and the kids broke into a dance.

My baby was dancing now. The kid in the bumblebee costume next to her was crying. So was the last kid in the butterfly dress. Navya was intently looking at her teacher who was trying to remind the kids of the steps. She twisted, she waved, she swayed to the left and then to the right and she went round and round in circles. I realised i was standing up and trying to put on the video camera in my phone. After fumbling a bit, I managed it trying to capture that moment through my eyes and to save it forever for everyone at home to see.

All of two and a half minutes, I wanted the act to last a lifetime. I was proud, I was happy, I was ecstatic.
In that moment, I realised how parents of school toppers and various achievers must be feeling; when I was over the moon with my daughter performing a simple dance. In that brief span of time, I had felt proud, teary and also happy to be a mother. It was that rare spell when you feel nothing else matters now but being a mother makes it all worth the while. I re-lived Navya's 2 and half years in a jiffy. The little flower I gave birth to was blooming for me, making me smile and making life worth living. 

Honey, you are getting a sidekick!

From the happy trio to the ecstatic foursome soon!

For me and the husband, its been mostly a case of 'been there, done that' and we hardly noticed that I was pregnant till the baby bump became quite obvious. The only bone of contention for me has been preparing Navya to be the 'big sister' soon. She certainly isn't playing the part very well since she has already started taking over everything that we decide is for the forthcoming 'chota baby'. From the sleeping bag to the blanket to the tiny booties to the rattles, she now wants everything that she has outgrown in the past 2 years.

Nevertheless the effort is on to prepare her. So what exactly is it that I am doing to make her a big sister to her awaited sibling? Here's a rundown on some of my recent efforts:

1. I ordered 5 books on the arrival of a second baby, handling a sibling, preparing your first child for a sibling, welcoming a baby in the house and every possible title that would put to rest her uneasiness about the baby. She decided to ignore all 5 books.
2. A frantic rush to toilet train her started with the onset of 2013. From rushing her to the potty seat every now and then to getting my pajamas dirty with kiddy poo-poo, I am weathering it all. The cold hasn't helped much and it seems extremely unlikely that she will be toilet trained completely by the time the little one comes. On the brighter side, they can sit on a double potty seat perhaps!
3. Asking her to kiss the baby bump is perhaps the sweetest attempt from her end. She does manage a kiss for the baby bump once a week but that perhaps is more because of her fascination towards bare skin than anything else.
4. Her Mamu-Mami gifting her a cute doll of an infant was a stroke of a genius. Complete with a pram, a baby carrier, feeding bottles and a high chair. This baby kit has certainly given her some insight into the things to come.
5. Diapering the barbies and the teddies and the doggies has been another task we have been up to. To acquaint her with how the baby will mess her bed, I regularly show her why a little baby is diapered. While the Barbie is too lean, it is generally her total contingent of soft toys that finish of the diapers that come at Rs.15 a piece.
6. We now have names for all her dolls and soft toys. From Julie to Agastya to Celina to Joey, we have random names for everything that looks similar to anything that has legs and a face. Sometimes the clay models we make are also christened to inform her that the new baby will also have a name.
7. The most important thing that we have miserably failed in is getting her to sleep in her bed. She continues to sleep in our bed and unless we hit gold in the next month, it is either 4 people on one bed or Mohit hits the guest room.

So while it is 7 months down and 2 more to go, the panic button has just been pressed. Everything I didn't realise in the past 28 weeks is now rushing to me. From a baby shower to maternity shoot to overeating and pampering, now I want to do it all. Trying to live the 9 months of pregnancy in the 2 that are pending now...And yes, of course preparing Navya to have her very own sidekick...That is the main agenda as of now. Tips Welcome!

The night it rained and the day it dripped everywhere!

Call it a woman's hunch or over-reacting as most men think of it. But when Mohit told me that he was going to be away for a night on a work trip to Bhubaneshwar, I knew i will find those 48 hours extremely difficult to manage in the house. I tried to convert the overnight trip into a day hop but only got scolded in return and the 'Can't-you-run-this-place-without-me?' look. Run I did, in the literal sense.

The anxious hours of running a new house without the master of the house in the game started off well with most of the pack of workers turning up on duty. On the downside, it just meant extra work hours of my unproductiveness.  More people to keep a check over, more chores to assign, more calls to make to finalise designs and more reporting to do. When me and my pizza settled down at 9:30 pm, the furniture guys had finally left after pounding my head and every piece of wood in the house and the kid had just slept. But that's when someone else decided to turn up and that too in full glory. It was the Rain Gods knocking on heavens door.

The rains came and just kept coming. I wandered like a mad woman in the house checking for nooks and corners of leaks. I found a slightly flooded basement and small puddles in some entrances. Some firefighting and extra hours of reporting to the master later, midnight came with lesser rain. i felt assured that the rains wont do any damage to my house now. We were on a task to face the first rains of the new house and looked like we would survive well.

I guess it poured all night because i finally dozed at 2 am. I put my foot down from the bed at 8 am and SMS'd the Master: Me and the house survived the rain. And that was when I noticed the wet socks by my bedside and Navya's shoe floating around. I jolted up and my mind was now working overtime. Finally I got the courage to inspect the bedroom and realised we were in 2 inches of water. Me, the bed, the heater, the carpets and everything else. What happened later was pure firefighting. But we did survive. The basement was a little flooded too but we did survive. We swept more water from the first floor to the ground floor than what the God sent down on us that night but we did manage to survive.

P.S I also now preach that the floor wiper is perhaps the most handy tool any house should have.
P.S.2 Is unproductiveness a word?

The most unproductive job on the planet

Everyday someone asks me how far has the house come along? And I tell them we are settled and functional but still a month to go. Then again, the second question that comes is what do I do all day? My answer is always the same; I have the most unproductive job on earth. And time just flies away in this non-productive state of mine. How, you ask? 

All day long, I watch over plumbers, carpenters, masons and electricians. They ask for inputs, I give them my piece of mind, but they do what they want to. I request them to follow instructions but they do what they want to. I scold them when later the job is not satisfactory but they still do what they want to. I am just a stationary factor in their lives currently who appears out of nowhere in each room and just chooses to watch them. That's how unproductive my job is.

I simply watch as the workers go about doing their chores. I try to impose authority by telling them who is boss but they still go about doing their chores. I spend hours just watching them like a shadow but they still go about doing their chores.

At the end of a standard unproductive day, I inspect who did what and report to the Master of the house. The Master who had earlier given everyone a daily to-do also receives hourly and sometimes bi-hourly telephonic reports and queries on the job. Sometimes I also report through emails. Perhaps that is when I become productive. All that heavy reporting. Apart from this, if you ask me, I do nothing at all the whole day! I simply stand and stare as the rest of the world does their productive jobs....

A Lazy R