Love is not you, not us. It's them!

When normal people hear a love song, they think of their beau. When normal people look at a romantic movie, it warms their heart and they think of their lover. Most of them relate to their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend when they hear the sound of the first rain.
Something strange happened yesterday when I heard the song Gerua from Dilwale. I liked the song. I liked what I saw. I heard it again. and again. and again. The song just seemed to go deeper inside me each time I heard it. It just oozed romance. So much of romance. It gave me the shivers. The whim whams.
And each of the 11 times that I heard it yesterday, I thought of love. I thought of how love brings people together and how it takes them apart. And No, I didn't think of the one love in my life. I thought of the eternal love that two people so close to me share. One of whom has been gone for an year now.
Amit and Sumedha- my two best friends. I can dedicate a hundred posts to them but nothing can ever do justice to the love they had. That zing, that passion, that chemistry that you only see in Shahrukh movies. I've seen it live. I've seen it blossom, I've seen it dwell, I've seen it grow.....I can't see it now but I know it's still growing. Not because Amit is gone. But because he lives on. He lives on not only in the way he loved her but because of the example he set. He lived the life everyone should live. He loved his gals how everyone should love. He wooed, he besotted, he adored her...And then he went away!
If shahrukh had met Amit, he wouldn't be calling himself the perfect lover anymore.

Here is to loads of PWPSAHM out there! Cheers Ladies

So everyone seems to be offering their advice on what the SAHM(Stay at home Mom's) feel about quitting their jobs and managing the kids and also about the WM(Working Mom's) who listen to the call of duty and work the whole day and manage the kids at night. But does anyone even know about the PWPSAHM? Several women who are Partial Working and Partial Stay at home Moms! Everyone seems to know how physically challenging it is for the WM's to work all day and then look after the kids. She is one who is climbing the tough corporate ladder yet keeping her maternal instincts under check. Everyone also seems to acknowledge the sacrifice the SAHM makes for her kids. She is the one who left a promising career to manage and stay with the infants and the toddlers when they needed her the most.

But who dare care about the PWPSAHM? She is the one who has treaded the seemingly easy sounding but in reality very treacherous middle path. She is the one who tries to make her way up the corporate ladder or the office politics. She is the one who reaches office the earliest so she can cover up the work she missed when her toddler fell ill. She is the one who reaches home in time to feed lunch, tow them to their classes, play in the park in the evenings, try to manage the food and house and finally put them off. She is the one who is supposed to do more work at office since she has the liberty of leaving early. She is the one who has flexi hours at work but the work volume is the same. She is also the same female who sleeps the last at home since she is finishing her pending assignments.

She is the one who feels upset when she doesn't reach the bus stop on a rare occasion. She is also the one who sometimes cleans the toilets, juggles the maids, tends to the chores. She is also the one to wake up the earliest since the kids need to get to school.

She is the one who is neither here nor there. Neither does she get a big fat corporate salary nor does she get enough satiation with the kids. Neither does she get appreciation at work nor the kids love for her balancing act.

She is the one who sacrifices to buy the jeera and the methi rather than get a pedicure. She is the one who completes her work at 11 pm rather than sleeping or reading a book.

She is Me. She is the one who is going BLAH BLAH BLAH right now.
And she isn't asking for any sympathy or appreciation. It is her decision to be SHE.

Rakhi Emotions-From my pen

This past week, the India-Gift team worked around the clock to send rakhis, rakhi with cakes, rakhi with chocolates and a whole lot of rakhi gifts everywhere in India. Our young team was new to this and we innovated in our own style to ensure all deliveries were made on time.

From pleading to a cake vendor to deliver rakhis in BeguSarai to chatting late in the night with patrons bribing us with extra money to take last minute vendors. From finding a good samaritan in Gangtok who drove 25 kilometres to deliver chocolates and rakhi to striking gold in our Senior Web Developers Uncle who delivered a rakhi bouquet 2 hours away in Hazipur. We did everything we could to ensure everyone who placed their interest in India-Gift to share their sibling love got their dues.

We packed the gifts, we decorated them with bows and knots. We sampled the cupcakes, shopped for hundreds of rakhis and haggled for the free rolli-tikka.We scribbled on the greetings, sometimes even adding an extra 'dearest' somewhere. We indulged our customers in chat while we checked whether their orders had reached. We ran the show for the first time and had heaps to learn. 

The thing that stood out for me was the 'Greetings'. The single line expressions that we were earlier typing and sending were changed at my behest. Typed notes aren't personal, I thought. Thus I decided to write down each single note that went down with our gifts. From Dear Bhai, Enjoy the chocolates to I miss you Bhaiya to Next year Rakhi together, Chotu. I almost chocked writing some of them. There were some which didn't have any greeting. Those I decided to add myself. I thought all brothers and sisters deserve a loving note. It was very sweet and overwhelming to see how siblings connect. Personally, it was an insight for me into how relationships work. How we as an Indian society celebrate our relations and occasions. An extremely pleasing experience and a satisfied feeling at the end of the day that we had done our bit in bringing people together.

The week occupied us so much that perhaps the whole team forgot that we also had brothers and sisters. Thus for all our team who perhaps didn't send a rakhi or a gift for their brother or sister because they were too busy bringing other's greetings together, I apologise. It was a thrilling ride seeing everyone work like they did. If we keep the same energy and will to deliver love everywhere, I'm sure we are going places soon.

I can talk online, I can walk online, I can eat online! Someday I may even pee online!

Notwithstading the influx of the ‘look up’ videos asking people to steer clear of screens, everything continues to go online. I am unsure if everything going online is a good thing or a bad thing for me. On days, I feel it is very convenient that everything is now possible at the click of a mouse while on others I feel my humanness is being overpowered by a technology. From everything being done by hands and legs, now everything is being done by apps and websites.

I was just making a list of my daily chores and realised that these technological advents had taken over our lives completely. Have a dekho and you will end up laughing, perhaps sarcastically-

6 AM - I wake up to the tone of a clock app on my smartphone.

6:30 AM-  The ‘replenish your body’ app on my phone reminds me to have my first glass of water of the day. The one with honey and lemon.

7 AM- The ‘wunderlist’ app tells me that it is my cousin’s birthday.

7:30 AM- I go for a walk after dropping Kid 1 to bus stop. ‘Strava’ tracks my steps and calories.

8:30 AM- Time to clear the overnight clutter of whatsapp messages.

9:00 AM- Now it's the turn of Facebook to remind me of the same cousins birthday and some random acquintances too.

9:15 AM- I call the Uber cool ‘Uber’ cab. Reach office and pay with ‘Paytm’ wallet. Enroute, I whatsapp the cousin.(the one who has her bday)

10:15 AM- The discussion in the content bay about ordering from ‘Frsh’ starts. We decide what to order, use a coupon and cash back from our mobile wallet and settle into the work schedule.

12 Noon- The ‘skype’ con call starts. We discuss the changes in our app and what else is needed to improve.
1 PM- M from my team receives the T-shirt he ordered from an online shopping portal. We all rejoice on fast delivery.

2 PM- I call ‘Uber’ again.

3 PM- I speak to the family in Ludhiana on ‘Facetime’ and exchange pleasentries.

4 PM- The kids want some chocolate. Being lazy to go out I check Grofers. To make up the minimum bill, I end up ordering some coffee.

4:30 PM- I check the vacation pics of a long lost friend on Instagram. Fuck the bitch. Damn jealous!

5 PM- The yoga instructor from Urban Clap comes to slice off the calories I gained from the coffee.

6 PM- The maid I hired from ‘Refer a Maid’ comes to cook the meal. She informs me that there is no gobi. I use the express delivery from Peppertap.

6:30 PM- The kids are playing(thankfully outdoors). I settle back to read the news on the TOI App.

7 PM- I remember that I have to share some pics with my sister in law in sydney. I share the dropbox link.

7:30 PM- With dinner, Kid 1 tells me she has to make a 'best from waste' of a flower. I go to google for help.

8 PM- I pay the electricity bill, phone bills, book a movie ticket for the weekend. Of course online! Didn't you get it already?

8: 30 PM- The maid tells me that Kid 2 is running out of diapers. I run to firstcry.com.

9 PM- I schedule rakhi deliveries for all my brothers across India at India-gift.in

10 PM- I play poker on adda52.com

10:30 PM- We decide to go out for a drive. I turn to zomato to find the nearest pastry shop.

11:30 PM- Give up on finding a pastry shop. Order from batman delivers.

Midnight- Before slipping into my short beauty sleep of 6 hours, I find the time to unlock a friend's game on Candy crush, take the daily bonus on Criminal Case and check tomorrow's weather on the app.

Repeat!

Entrepreneur at 25! at 30 and now at 35! Again!

I just realised that I haven't written about my better half for most of this half year. So I have decided to dedicate this post completely to him. It might be a long one, I am in one of those praise-worthy moods.

When I married Mohit 8 years back, he had just started his first entrepreneurial venture. He told me on our wedding night that he didn't earn a single rupee. He wasn't lying. He was a new generation entrepreneur with a completely new business idea and lots to do. He promised me a lot. A happy life, a fancy car and a foreign trip each year. Within six months he had started living his promise. He had started living his dream of being his own boss and being an entrepreneur.

He along with his very competent partners/friends successfully did what we all know with his education venture. The trail of promises continued. He promised to be on the cover of 'TIME Magazine. Then he lowered the bar a little and settled with any magazine. He almost delivered that with a mention in Rashmi Bansal's Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.

Now it seems that he took that book title to heart. After having fun in the gaming industry for more than an year, he is bitten by the entrepreneurial bug again. Despite the skepticism of parents and elders, I trust him completely. He has promised again. I know he will fulfil them. AGAIN.

Some of the things that he is dreaming of include forming the largest network of professional cleaning service in India with KLEENR. Other things on the plate include a gifting website called INDIA-GIFT. The plate is full with more inroads in the e-commerce market. Details later!

Though I know the doubts and fingers raised against him leaving a cushioned job are many, but so are his promises. Sometimes self-raised doubts at doing this alone. But he says, he is bullish on everything he is doing. I am bullish, confident and truly convinced about everything that he is dreaming of. After all, some day we have to read that article in 'TIME'.

Amen to that and cheers to happy and prosperous times!
Seeking blessings and love!

Cheers to IndiaGift and Kleenr

The 30 Day Declutter Challenge: Follow my progress

In the past 5 years I have moved 3 houses. I have been in 2500 square feet to 1500 square feet to the present 5000 square feet of space. From packing my life in 8 cupboards to massive boxes and 2 cupboards and finally to 16 cupboards. In all the above phases, I have found too much stuff. Too much clutter is lying around. Occupying space. So I decided to design a Declutter Campaign for myself. I start decluttering my life on April 13th 2015. Here is the plan-

Day 1- Get rid of 1 thing.
Day 2- Get rid of 2 things.
Day 3- Get rid of 3 things.
Day 4- Get rid of 4 things.
Day 5- Get rid of 5 things.
Day 6- Get rid of 6 things.
Day 7- Get rid of 7 things.


And so on... Till my life is completely decluttered and I have place for happiness, joy and love.
I will upload pics of stuff I get rid of everyday. You can follow my progress here. Pls keep cheering as I pave way for a cleaner and happier home.

Day 1- Bye Bye Laptop. Unused E-Waste of 5 years!

Day 2- Two sets of Faulty Baby Monitors

Day 3- Three pair of shoes exit my house

Day 4- Four old bags unused for years

An Open Letter to Sony and Pogo- Spare the kids the horror!

It was an ordinary weekend cartoon marathon of Chota Bheem on Pogo for my 4.5 and 2 year old. The one day when they are allowed to watch TV for 1 hour. They had just sunk into the sofa and were glued to Bheem's antics when the first break came. And I heard the very familiar Jingle of the 'soon to start' serial of sony 'Dil ki baatein, dil hi jaane'. I say familiar jingle because the trailers have been doing the rounds for a month now and are very frequent. It is obvious from the promos that it is the story of the trials and tribulations of a family where the lady protagonist has cancer. The first time I saw it, It sent a shiver down my spine. After that, I started changing channels the moment I see that trailer. Having recently lost a dear friend to the terrifying C and having seen their struggle up close, I still shudder to see anyone face the ordeal.

Coming back to the Pogo screening of Chota Bheem, the ad of this serial came 3 times in the 4 minute commercial break. During the one hour of TV watching, the serial promo must've appeared at least 15 times. Finally my 4.5 year old asked me, " Why doesn't this aunty have hair?" "Why is she in the hospital?" "why is this man crying?" Generally I am quick to answer everything the kids throw at me but somehow I couldn't find the right words. I didn't know if my kids are old enough to know about the Terrifying C or they are young enough to stay ignorant of medical miseries.

I avoided the question and the kids moved on but my question to you and to the channels at large is, how justified is it to give such ads on kids channels. If I'm not mistaken then POGO is a 24 hour kids channel. They might be positioning themselves on weekends as a Family channel but that doesn't give them the right to give ads of soap operas. While I'm happy that an issue like the Terrifying C is being addressed within a TV serial, it goes to increase awareness. But what good is this awareness when spread on kids channels? For me, its not awareness, its trauma! Its the trauma of thinking aloud the misery that a family I know went through. Its the trauma of having my kids raise questions on a delicate medical issue. An issue they aren't equipped to understand at this tender age. An issue I wish neither my kids nor any kids of any family in the world have to understand at their age.

then what is the logic behind promoting your TV series on a channel meant for pre-schoolers and kids? What good is it fetching the channel if kids recognise and sing your music jingle? What purpose is it serving if toddlers are asking questions about the bald aunty being unwell? Sometimes awareness is very good but if it comes to this, then I say ignorance is bliss. Let my kids stay unaware for as long as they can. Let them not know about the problems and stresses of our modern day living. Why expose them to such terminology that frightens the living hell out of adults. My kids are not your target audience, then why target them with such things? They aren't your consumers but they are 'consuming' every bit of information you throw at them! Can the channel justify this? Can you let my kids be just that? ....kids....

Painting one day PINK won't help!

All weekend long I have seen, read, laughed, felt bad about Women's Day messages. My social media space as well as messaging has been full of some funny woman message, some borderline sarcastic others overly overwhelming and irritating. They all left me wondering what the hell is this woMAN's day all about? Why do we need an International Women's Day? If two genders were created then why does one of them need a whole day dedicated to her? Whats the hullaballoo about? What is this whole Women's day charade?

A woman is what her name aptly says. WO-MAN. She is nothing WithOut-A MAN. Don't jump to conclusions and call me patriarchal. But thats what the society I live in has fed in my systems. From the moment I was born to my wedding to my present times, everything I do is managed/monitored/approved/disapproved/judged/based on what the men around me want/think/feel. I was born a second daughter and adopted my father's surname. I went to a school where my parents wanted me to go and studied what they wanted me to.  I married the man my father chose(he did choose right, though) and now run that man's household. He is generally open minded and non-opinionated when it comes to feminist ideas. But when we fight, pat comes the male ego and the bread earner dialogues. Is that what a woman is raised to be? From a daughter to a sister to a wife to a mother!

I'm sure any woman would rather have the following adjectives attached to her name- Powerful, important, loving, compelling than merely the roles she plays. Not that all women enjoy the roles they play, but days like International Women's Day get the sadist out of me. That's like the anti-V-Day protesters saying all days are for loving, why have one specific day. Similarly, all days belong to both the sexes then why have one day dedicated to her. Is it because she is so suppressed that you need 1/365 days to uplift her? And how do you uplift her exactly? By giving full page ads in print media with pics of Rahul Gandhi(uggh and again a MAN) screaming for woman empowerment. By making viral, videos of a lone girl on a street saved by 6 MEN of various genders. What are we trying to prove here? Again my point of a Woman being not allowed to be anything without a man!

It is the society that first stereotypes her and casts her in a homemaker role. She may work in an MNC and earn a 6 figure salary but she is the one who has to serve dinner at night. And when her achievements are shown to the world, then they are shown as 'breaking the shackles', 'rising in a man's world' etc etc etc...I can get conjunctivas just reading such biased phrases. 

Is this the dark side of our society? More specifically of the lopsided Indian society where we compartmentalise things and women are supposed to be in their pigeonholes doing their duties. If we wish to change and empower her as the world says, then first lets empower ourselves. Empower our own self to think broadly. Empower each man who expects his wife to pack for his trip. She does it out of love, it isn't her duty. Empower each parent who gets their daughter married to a man they chose. She did it because she trusts you not because it is her duty. Empower each in laws who feel their daughter in law should be the first to rise. She wakes up early because she wants to live up to you not because it is her duty. Empower each individual who nudges her in the bus, stares her down in her clothes or judges her when she drinks/smokes. After all, if our thinking isn't empowered enough then she cannot be empowered. 

Let her live, breathe, enjoy all of the 365 days. Painting one day Pink won't help!

Borrowed from OPN- The Editor, My Identity

A little while back, I wrote a rather personal note on www.onlinepokernews.in, the website that reflects my poker writing. I am reproducing it here below for all to read. It defines everything I am currently and thats why I feel it deserves to be here too. Hope copying your own writing from one portal to a blog isn't plagiarism. Nevertheless, you can also catch it here.

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Another year has gone by. An year which can definitely be called as an illustrious one for Indian poker. From a dry run in tournament poker to some highly fruitful online grinds. If the first half of 2014 saw the waters turn still for poker, the second half surely was a overflowing stream. A stream that saw many young fishes(pun not intended) most of whom hold promise for the future. A few six figure online scores kept the poker community buzzing, so did a revival in the poker tournaments. All in all, it was a good year. An year that is now gone by.

Come January and we at OPN(onlinepokernews) have something to cheer about. January always means we survived another year. We, the outliers(as we like to think), or the outsiders(as some might think) are 2 years old this week. 2 years is exactly how two of my babies are. The first one is surely the one you are looking at now while the second one is sleeping with a cold at home. Both of whom have required a lot of toil, money and love. And both of whom are reaping very good results now.

From juggling between the creche in the Pride Poker Room to playing beyond the wee hours with the baby on the lap to grinding out the tourneys on the mobile in between baby calls; poker and the baby have been well balanced. The Editor and the Mother have crossed paths and survived. But now is when the challenge starts. When the baby asks as I leave for work, ” Taash office, mama?” I stare, smirk and leave without answering. If I have no answer to this pertinent question then who will? If I after playing poker for 5 years now still hesitate when my kids ask about ‘taash’ then how am I to take forth this responsibility of running a poker editorial, leave alone play the game. If I cannot advocate this game I have come to love as a game of skill to my 4 and 2 year olds then who am I to try and tell the public at large. These 2 words by my toddler have brought me to face the larger picture of the responsibilities I have, as a poker mom and a poker editor.

As a poker editor, my responsibilities are clear. I have them chocked out clearly from Day 1- Promoting Poker in India, Promoting legal poker to seek regulation, Promoting the new talent in Indian poker and promoting Indianism over internationalism. A simple 4 point agenda. Which OPN and I have followed to the tee. Which now brings me to the core dilemma; my responsibilities as a poker mom. While I have tried never to discuss or refer to poker as ‘taash’ in the household but the kids have caught on. Since ‘taash’ as a word and activity is quite taboo in Indian culture, poker as a game requires quite a bit of explanation to everyone. But with experience, clarity has also followed. A belief has set in! The belief that this 5 card game is indeed a game of skills. Skills connected to calculation, skills to do with strategy, skills requiring decision making, skills testing your social quotient and stress management! And my failure to perform well at the top notch tournaments has re-instilled my belief. That merely money and luck cannot make me reach that coveted Final table. It is with great skill that those who grind the hours away manage to win the big money and write poker history.

And it is with this belief that I decided to sit my kids down this weekend and have them play their first game of poker. So they could learn their first skill that this game can teach. People skills! Not the simplest but perhaps the only one the kiddies could understand. And what fun it was. We had mastered a dozen type of poker faces with the 4 year old responsible for almost all of them. And 2 times I was caught bluffing. Well, I did simplify the game. Cut the chase short by eliminating the betting rounds. Something like an ‘Open Show Poker’. And after a hilarious 30 minutes, I had clicked many poker faces. I wish I could share them here. I felt the load was off my chest. The weight I was carrying around by not facing up to the queries was off. I had explained as best as I could to the kids what the game(remembering to refer to it as a game always) is. I hope they understand and spread the word as they grow up. In fact, I hope they grow up in a community where ‘taash’ is not taboo. Rather poker isn’t looked at as merely a play of cards but as a game of skills mastered over years by an intelligent and calculative mind.

Well, thanks for reading this personal note. Why so personal, you wonder? Well, its our 2nd birthday and we can’t keep calm.

Thanks again,

R

Gurgaon- Educated, Rich and So Uncivil!

Each morning for the past one year Mohit and I set out to spend the best 15 minutes of the day with each other. At 9:30 am we leave for office together. This time is usually spent sharing ideas, discussing the kids, making travel plans etc. But not anymore. Now the moment we hit the highway NH-8 from Signature Towers, I have my task cut out. I turn the navigator for the driver. My job isn't just to navigate him through on this one km stretch of the highway till the exit for Udyog Vihar. Rather my job is to spot that weak link! That person who's talking on the phone! That slow auto driver who is smoking the biddi. That old couple which is bickering over random things. Why am I trying to spot them? Because the moment i see a draft, I tell Mohit to drive our car right in. The size of our current car helps in scaring the other drivers too.

If you still haven't understood what I mean, then this is the state of affairs at the NH-8 exit that goes towards Udyog Vihar every day. Educated people queue up in serpentine lines. Rich people with their Audis and BMW's form queues that go up to a kilometre sometimes to enter the small exit towards the most bustling industrial area of the Millennium City. Enter the uncivil people like yours truly. They spot the slow pokes and drive their cars in, beating the queues, cutting the chase short and thus saving a precious 20 mins.

All of this looked very fair to me till this morning. Today I was driving since Mohit is travelling. It was a small queue thus I decided to be a responsible Gurgaon resident and not beat the line. Soon there was a horde of cars behind me. Before I knew all hell started breaking loose. Today someone else had identified the weak link. The slow auto in front of me had just made way for 2 autos, 1 bus and 1 trolley. And I was still at the spot where I had joined the line. Within a minute another auto and car had swept in. I tried to maintain my composure, after all this was my daily routine too. But before I knew it an army of cars was butting in before the auto. It seemed the whole city had recognised this weak link and everyone was in a hurry. I did what every Indian does. Honked till eternity. And the others did what all other Indians do. Cared too Hoots!

After abusing for 5 minutes, I moved an inch. Then a brave soul came swarming in with his Audi Q-5. I muttered something about him not caring about his car and stayed alert at the wheels. I said a silent pledge not to let him enter. But his car's agility was nothing in front of mine. 60 lakhs beat 15 lakhs and soon he was in front of me. I was sulking, honking more and abusing a lot. Thankfully the line started moving. As soon as I reached the exit, I decided to give a piece of my mind to the Traffic police on duty. I rolled down my window and expressed in loud words. He shrugged and said, " Aap ka hi Gurgaon hai."

He is right! Its my Gurgaon. Its an educated and rich Gurgaon. Where everyone is in a hurry and very one is uncivil. Today was one day where I failed. Will tomorrow be the one where I beat the line and reach office on time? All at the expense of being uncouth, uncivil and crazy to the core!