Flat lands aren't scary!

At Navya's first Diwali

Everytime I take a flight, I get lots of wisecracks from Mohit about everything that can go wrong during the air trip. And the following hours are spent feeling scared at the slightest hint of turbulence. This fear has grown as my life has. I have taken flights alone as a single girl. As a married woman, I grew scared of flights at the fear of losing the one I loved. As a mother, I fear flying alone wondering what will happen to my little one without me. Flying with her gives me the fear that her life has only just begun...Conclusions are that I am a scaredy cat and till very recently it was only looking at the land from a height that scared me.

Off late, I have discovered a new fear. A fear of facing barren lands. Not just any barren, flat land. But one land in particular. The one that was my home. I learnt from my friends in Punjabi Bagh that the house we left was pulled down within a week. Now it is merely a plot of land. A barren land sitting still midst the other houses on the lane. This is the flat land that scares me.

Upon immense pressure from my friends to come visit them, I sat back to think why wasn't I revisiting the people I loved, the places that held many memories. Why wasn't I wanting to reconnect with everything that has formed a very important part of my life? It was fear. A fear of seeing that barren land. A fear of facing the music. Sad music that would only rekindle memories.

I was simply scared to stand on Road No 33, house no 9; rather Plot no 9 now since the house was gone.
I just couldn't bear to see the rubble that I imagine being there in stead of our brown gate. I don't want to stand on filth that is there in place of our patio. I cannot step on the million stones that have come out of the structure I called home!

I am not unhappy, I am simply scared. I still am a part of a group called Punjabi Bagh on Facebook. I am enrolled to updates from MCD Punjabi bagh too. I am totally in Gurgaon but still a little there. I am just confused and don't want to get in the mix of emotions. I don't want a rush of blood and feel light headed. I want to take it easy. I want to go to Punjabi bagh and meet my friends. I want to cross my road where I used to stroll with Navya in her pram. And i want to gather the courage to stare at that flat piece of land.

It is time to revisit.